The Definitive Guide to Having a Proper Doss

Doss – A dictionary definition:

1. Spend time idly

“All I’ve seen her do on Skype so far is doss around.”

2. A situation giving the opportunity for being extremely idle.

“He thought working from home was a great doss.”

So after a few weeks of isolation, people are getting the hang of this whole ‘working from home’ thing. Ugh. 

As people adapt to life in lockdown, they are becoming more efficient and – annoyingly for me – are getting more organised, showing off their new home offices and sunny can-do attitudes. Very annoying. 

Why can’t we just accept this global pandemic as a massive doss? A time to do nothing, achieve nothing and shirk all adult responsibility? Let’s all have a massive rest. Hit pause. Stop. 

If that sounds appealing, here are my five ways to have a proper doss. No guilt, no expectation, just dossing: 

1. The most obvious doss strategy at the moment is to pretend you’ve got a cough and feeling a little hot. Any self-respecting spouse/boss will force you to go to bed for seven days. For next-level champion dossing install a cat flap for food, drink and fully charged iPads to be passed through while you self-isolate with Netflix.

2. For all those annoying Zoom calls, when you have to prove to your manager that you’re still valuable to their business, this tip is tops. Say you have a screen induced eye issue that means you must wear dark glasses during Zoom calls. This way you can sneak in a little kip while your colleagues pretend that they’ve been doing work-related stuff. 

3. Sometimes it’s not your boss demanding you stay ‘active.’ So, here’s a little domestic dossing gem. Tell your spouse you are going to sort out the garage/box room/junk cupboard (delete as appropriate) but secretly take a fluffy pillow and a cosy blanket with you. Voila! Perfect opportunity to have a little sleep. When they ask why you’ve done f’all? Revert to step one.

When they ask why you’ve done f’all? Revert to step one.

4. If you work in marketing, you can spend all your working day (all three hours 10 minutes of it) on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram, guilt-free. This is because you’re doing valuable research for content which never gets created. If the boss person pushes you for an end product, revert to step one, buying yourself at least seven days.

5. Finally, a master doss. Convince your spouse you have a) got a job in Timpsons, or b) become a locksmith thanks to a YouTube course. Either way, you will become a key worker of sorts which means your community will treat you as a hero and your spouse will have to do everything for you when you come back from ‘work’. This will however result in you spending most of your ‘shift’ parked down the road from your house incognito. 

On a serious note, maybe slowing down could be the best thing for us, our relationships, the future of our businesses and the planet. 

Alternatively, it could lead to you going insane, getting divorced and becoming morbidly obese.

It’s up to you, I guess. Stay safe and be nice.

Author

  • Jerry runs Property PR Expert....which does what it says on the tin really. For all things property and PR related, he's basically an authority. Oh, and he's got good hair.

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